Felix alerted me to this New York Times Sunday Magazine article. It’s a very accurate description of the social life my friends and I lead these days. In our particular case there is a twist–many members of our “tribe” are scattered across the globe, and while we stay in touch virtually via email and through sites such as Sighs, we rely, perversely, on weddings as occasions for gathering. When we run out of weddings, we’ll need other excuses for international gatherings–birthdays? New Years?

[Mon 19:31] Felix (www) (email) I’ve been namechecked on the blog! Now I can die happy! But not, I hope, before my own excuse for an international gathering: anybody who wants to come to Jamaica for my 30th in April is more than welcome to drop me an email…

[Tue 10:28] uppington (email) That’s an interesting article, but one that basically rips off the Bridget Jones “singleton” thesis (and thus Jane Austen), which also post-dates a certain stream of slacker lifestyle justification begun by writers in the early 90s. Thingy Copeland springs to mind. Personally speaking, while it does describe my life quite well, I doubt the thesis that marriage or pseudo-marriage entails leaving the “Tribe”. I’ve seen a large element of “spouse adoption” by my own Tribe members, and the possibility of multiple tribe membership, often taking on at least honorary membership of your spouse’s tribe. I see the article more as a worried author trying to explain his failure with women than as a sudden revelation in the study of modern social relationships. I know where you want to go, Stefan: but I’m afraid using loyalty to the Tribe as an excuse for not having a girlfriend just doesn’t work.

[Wed 18:33] Ben (email) My wife and I were at a dinner party with the author of the article in question and a number of his tribe members last saturday, and although I would normally dwell in the same cave of cynicism as uppington, I think in this case, he is not just making lemonade out of the lemons of his personal life, he actually prefers it as it is.

[Thu 03:28] uppington (email) Hi Ben. Is he a nice chap? I’m sure he is. But did he bring a girlfriend there? I would have expected you to have mentioned that if he had, as a clear indication his thesis was not an exculpation of self-perceived failure. If on the off-chance he did not, I have to remain sceptical about red-blooded, non-religious youngish men who embrace celibacy as a lifestyle choice out of loyalty to their friends. I speak from experience here, having lied to myself and others in exactly this way for years. Maybe it’s just me, but the only time I’ve ever truly thought positively about the idea of not having a girlfriend is when I actually have one.

[Thu 03:29] uppington (email) Of course, no such thought would ever cross my mind now.

[Thu 11:06] Hypocrisy Monitor (email) exculpate? pseudo-marriage? multiple tribe membership? is this the plain-speaking, cant-bashing uppers we know and love? perhaps someone has kidnapped uppington and stolen his email account?

[Fri 08:09] uppington (email) who are you and what do you want? you want me to use monosyllabic words you can understand, stefan? yes, i know it’s you.

[Sat 18:01] Rosa Emilia (email) I agree with the first Uppington [Tue 10:28] comment.