This is as good a story as any to broach the topic of the World Cup. From a bleary conversation this past weekend while watching the Sweden – England match at an ungodly hour, I remember this famous British headline: “Subs sink Krauts” after substitutes scored the winning goals against a German team. Can anyone remember others?

[Tue, Jun 04 2002 – 09:40] Matthew (email) eric wynalda, the otherwise moronic former-u.s.-player-turned-football-analyst, said match against saudi arabia typified the german approach of “a massive aerial bombardment.”

separately, if one more u.s. commentator refers to a penalty as a “peekay” or talks about passing back to the keeper as “tapping the safety valve,” i’m switching permanently to univision, even though i’ll understand nary a word. at least it will sound more authentic.

[Tue, Jun 04 2002 – 10:10] Felix (www) (email) Best footie headline ever was in the Sun, when Graham Taylor’s England got roundly defeated by Sweden in a crucial World Cup qualifier: “Swedes 1, Turnips 0”. It was illustrated by a picture of Taylor as a turnip, and more or less forced his resignation shortly thereafter. (Swedes, by the way, are an English vegetable which is not dissimilar to the turnip.)

[Sat, Jun 08 2002 – 07:25] marc i’m just glad wynalda is annoying matthew as a commentator instead of playing on the pitch. after taking apart portugal it’s clear US soccer is much better without the last generation of players. now just retire cobi jones for fuck’s sake. and while not a tabloid headline, my favorite world cup commercial at the moment is one for a playstaion 2 soccer game here in germany that has a classic english football hooligan with a massive british bulldog tattooed on his equally massive beer gut. as he parades his shaven-headed, gold-chained sweetness around his living room and the tv says england is world champion, the voice over says: “Only you can prevent this.” i’m sure a UK version of the commercial has a mullet-wearing german dancing as it’s announced: Deutschland ist Meister…

[Sat, Jun 08 2002 – 09:45] Matthew (email) has anyone noticed that england’s two most famous wins in recent times, against germany and argentina, have come in cities famous for their beer production? (munich and sapporo). a conincidence? i think not.