On Saturday, Helena (Gustavsson, from SAIS Bologna days) and her sambo Christer sambo: person you live with but are not married to.hosted an important event in the yearly calendar of Swedish rituals: Communal watching on TV of the selection of the official Swedish entry to the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC), to be held in Riga on May 24, 2003.
If you have never been subjected to the Eurovision Song Contest, count yourself blessed. I suspect ESC is responsible for fully 20% of New York immigrants from Europe. But try as they might, nobody really ever escapes its insidious influence. Case in point: it launched the career of Celine Dion, who won in 1988.
But you only really begin to appreciate the brilliant depravity of ESC when it dawns on you that she won because she was better than the rest. Brilliant marketing idea: a double CD-set with all the worst songs over the years.My own youth was scarred by a single accidental exposure to ESC in Belgium. Not only was the Belgian entry atrocious, we then had to sit through hours of “Belgique, nul points” as we were officially shamed for being even worse than tolerable.
If there is one silver lining to the whole ordeal, it is that it helps the young learn early how European politics really operates. All the French speaking countries vote for each other, all the English speaking countries team up with the Scandinavians, and the rest engages in balance-of-power politicking. Also, Turkey always loses.
If you live in Europe, then, you have to develop a coping mechanism. And the best way to cope is not to cower, but to stare the beast in the eyes, and then give it a big wet sloppy kiss on the mouth. This is what we were doing Saturday night, addled by fine wines, which made it easier to leave one’s ironic detachment at the door (there were children there, after all).
Sweden’s 12 candidate songs fall into two classes. Those sung in Swedish by people wearing elk fur which have no hope of winning, and those sung in “English.” The scare quotes are justified this year. Here are some of the “lyrics:”
Alcazar: Not a Sinner, Nor a Saint
…
I’m not a sinner nor a saint,
Not that I will lose my head and faint.
…
Am I a bad boy? Maybe. Am I a sad boy? Let see…
Nul points! Sad enough?
Barbados: Bye Bye
You make me feel like a UFO,
This time I’ve had it, I will take no more,
I’m better off alone out of this war zone.
…
Who’s going to turn you on when I’m gone?
Nul Points! Bye bye.
Fame: Give Me Your Love
I can be the one you love forever,
I can be the dream of your heart.
…
You can turn the winter into summer, oh yeah
You can be me my wonder every day.
Everytime I see you I just want to hold you,
I wish you felt the same way that I do.
These guys won. Yes, Sweden’s official entry is a song about… stalking.
Wow, that’s a Really. Bad. Song. I mean, I LOVE Britney Spears and Vanessa Paradis, and even I couldn’t make it to the end. But…
1) It’s not about stalking, it’s a DUET. They both feel the same way about each other! Isn’t that sweet?
2) How can you write a whole blog about Sweden and the Eurovision Song Contest (which absolutely NOBODY calls the ESC) without mentioning the greatest Eurovision winner of all time, Waterloo by Abba?
3) Re your geopolitics theory — how come Ireland always seems to win, or at the very least to place?
4) Dana International. Just had to mention it…
1) Well, they’re stalking each other.
2) Try writing Eurovision Song Contest 10 times in a row. ESC will have to do. Abba was not mentioned once all night by a roomful of Swedes. I thought I should do the same.
3) Ireland is part of the Anglo conspiracy, évidemment!
4) Rendez-Vous.
Stefan:
Were there no elk-fur-wearing, “English” singing entries? BTW, what European country did Celine Dion represent? the French overseas territory of Quebec? I thought the Plains of Abraham took care of that.
-Ben
Ben: I did not make up the elk-fur wearng act. They sang in Swedish. They got few points. Celine represented Switzerland (check the link). I mentioned this to a Canadian today and he brightened noticably at the news, wondering aloud if they perhaps would like to reclaim her.
Ah yes, as for suffering through Belgian entries, you can’t forget the wonderful Sandra Kim and her hit “J’aime la Vie,” the Belgian entry for 1985. I was living in Brussels at the time. In fact, I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for cheesy Europop since then — not so much because I like it as music, but because, for me any way, it’s evocative — sort of like Proust’s memoire involontaire: it reminds me of my salad days at ULB.
Why Stefan, while in general I must commend your perceptive touch of nuances with respect to this rich and complex cultural phenomenon of a (so called) musical competition, I am bit disappointed that you mistook the fur of reindeer clothing for elk. How brutish! Really, even Swedes know where to draw the line. Fur of reindeer is just SO much more suitable for clothing than (fur? of) elk. (Also, having spent early February at the annual market in Jokkmokk, just above the arctic circle, I can report that smoked reindeer heart makes a wonderfully delicious snack, or even entré when served with whipped cream lined with horseradish.)
Finally, I must apologize for our grave mistake of neither mentioning, playing, nor, and which is worse, singing ABBA tunes during this cultural event. This is really unforgettable, and as a Swedish hostess I am very much ashamed. We will have to make up for it at the next important event – the celebration of the big finals in Riga in May!
Talking of the big finals, I hereby predict that Russia is going to win. If anybody would like to enter a wager with me on this, I would be more than happy to take them up on their offer.
it takes a foreigner
Francis Strand’s humorous reflections on Swedish every day life have been been one of my favourite blogs for a couple of months now. Since I too, have lived abroad, I know there are many habits and behaviours…
CAROLA!!!! Tjalalalala