Two-minute taxes

May 3 was the deadline for declaring one’s taxes in Sweden. As I am far more efficient under deadline, I left everything until the last minute. It turns out I gave myself far too much time — paying taxes in Sweden is the easiest thing in the world.

How easy? A few weeks ago, a piece of paper arrived in the mail. It’s a 1-page tax-return form… already filled out with my consolidated salary from last year. You can amend it (or not), sign it and give it back, and you’ve done your taxes. But you can do even less: You can text-message your approval, or amend it online, using your on-line banking security codes. And today, Skatteverket, the tax agency, already had statistics [Swedish] for us: Over a million Swedes filed electronically (out of almost 9 million Swedes; no word yet on how many filed in total), of which 87,189 did so via SMS.

As the tax agency headquarters are in my neighborhood, I decided to deliver my papers by hand. Skatteverket is open until midnight on tax day, and I headed for it in the gloam of a foggy, humid evening. Huge slotted boxes outside the office were being stuffed by 1-page returns — no envelopes, no attachments; it was a bit like voting. Meanwhile, friendly Skatteverket workers had fanned out along the approach routes, collecting returns from people on their way to declaring. One worker even stood in the middle of Götgatan as drivers opened their windows and gave her their paperwork.

It was an impressive, efficient performance. When it comes to tax collection, big government clearly is best.

Weekend report

I have seen the future, and it is taller than me. On the occasion, it was also drunker — the occasion being Walpurgis, the location being Karolinska Institute, the medical university where students traditionally ring in spring with a concert fueled by cheap beerEverywhere else in Sweden, this is the night to build a big bonfire with last year’s IKEA furniture, in order to make room for this year’s models. Not so with Stockholm students, who are far too jaded for such blatantly participatory pursuits..

I got in under cover of accompanying Jenny and Maria, who technically aren’t students either, but who at least can plausibly pretend to be. Once in, they were pretty quickly the center of attention of a pack of male students from Idrottshögskolan, Sweden’s sports universityWhat could they possibly be teaching there? Steroid research? Post-graduate swimming? The physics of the hockey puck?.

This group made Eurotrash look like Lady Liberty. They wore soccer jerseys, no doubt an homage to Beckham, but a majority of them also wore one or more gloves in an unabashedly retro-80’s way. And they danced extremely well while simultaneously not being gay. In sweden, it turns out even the jocks are metrosexualApologies for the slight delay in blogging this, but I have added a third cardinal rule to dictate my blogging behaviour: 1: Absolutely no blogging while drunk. 2: Absolutely no blogging while hung over. 3: Absolutely no blogging while it is glorious outside. All three rules were invoked this weekend..

Further burnishing the eurotrash credentials of the night was the band, Lambretta, a semi-famous (so I am told) Swedish thrash-pop act that sounds exactly like Transvision Vamp back in 1989.

Watching them, however, was more of a challenge than concerts used to be. Over the years, my 6 foot 2 frame had afforded me some prime views — in 1992, for example, attending a Guns and Roses concert in Sevilla was like standing in a crowd of smoky midgets. But tonight, perhaps half the room was taller than me. (The New Yorker recently explained why.) If it is important in Sweden that you not stand out, I think I am going to do extremely well here.

Top ten things I hate about Stockholm, V

The fifth in an occasional series.
 
Ten: Predatory seating
Nine: Culinary relativism
Eight: Preëmptive planning
Seven: Premature mastication
Six: Irrational discalceation.

This one really baffles me. If you’ve never been here you might think I’m exaggerating, but trust me, it’s a law of Swedish nature: Swedes will not enter anyone’s home until they’ve taken off their shoes.

I cannot figure out why. During my first few months here, in the autumn of 2002, I wandered about many a friend’s apartment, shod and oblivious to the silent anguish I was causing them as they followed me around in their socks, too polite to enforce the terms of use of their hardwood floors.

Then, in the winter, I too started taking off my heavy boots, caked in snow, as I got home. But this made sense — my boots were dirty. Come spring, however, there was no sign of this habit letting up among locals. Shoes came off indoors, even when it was sunny and dry outside and not a speck of dirt sullied new sneakersNow that I’ve experimented with unshod home life, I can tell you I don’t like it. Cooking without shoes makes me feel vulnerable. Likewise when I wash up the dishes. I feel like I use up socks too rapidly. I stub my toes. I can’t just go outside on a whim..

I’ve considered and subsequently discarded various theories as to what might explain this behavior. It cannot be that Swedes do not want to cause a ruckus with downstairs neighbors: Joachim and Elise have no-one living below them; and people who live in detached houses discalceate too. Is it a bizarre sock fetish? No, because many actually switch to slippers when they get home. Are Stockholm streets particularly prone to wayward dogpoop? On the contrary, they are completely devoid of gunk, slime, and the garbage juice that often finds its way onto New York pavements. Could it be that they are so enamored of their hardwood floors that they don’t wan’t to “use them up?” That would be a very curious departure from an otherwise vigorous culture of consumption: Swedes don’t encase the cushions of their IKEA furniture in plastic, for example, and they do actually use their espresso machines. Like I said, I’m baffled.

I now suspect it is a deep psychosis. Last weekend, when Christine, my Swedish teacher, came by for lessons on a dry and sunny day, I told her there was really no need to take off her shoes. She look so unhappy. “But it feels so wrong!” she said finally, staring at the floor she’d have to violate. She took her shoes off.

Behövs civil olydnad?

Is there a role for civil disobedience in a democracy? Tough question, especially when you have to answer in Swedish. In short, I think there is. Most improvements to functioning democracies have come to us via civil disobedience campaigns: universal suffrage, civil rights, the end of apartheid…
 
That said, the difference between civil disobedience and criminality is that the former has to have a moral aim and use non-violent means. And that’s hard to pull off, actually.
Så många fel förra gången! Jag är förvånad att ni förstådd vad jag ville säger. Men den här veckan kan jag mycket bättre svenska så det kommer at bli mycket lättare för oss alla.

Vad viktiga frågor vi har denna gång på fredagsfyran… Det är inte så lätt vara ironisk omkring sån filosofisk debatt.

Behövs civil olydnad/utomparlamentariska aktioner som ett komplement till demokratin? Vet du några exempel på “bra” aktioner?

Egentligen, ja. De flesta förbättringar i våra demokratier kom efter en fas av civil olydnad: rösträtt för kvinnor, rösträtt för svarta (i USA), oberoende för Indien, motstånd till apartheid i Sydafrika…

Problemet är hur vi ska skilja mellan civil olydnad och ren kriminalitet. Civil olydnad bör ha en moralisk bas, och bör vara ovåldsam (? Non-violent). Det är fortfarande möjligt att jag inte kommer överens med idéer, till exempel de av anti-globalister (som inte förstår att de kämpar för fattighet i tredje världen) men om de protesterar fredligt — avspärrar en G7 möte genom att sitta på vägen, till exempel — är det helt okej med mig. Vad jag håller inte med, självklart, är “reclaim the streets”-stil vandalismen som vi hade på Stureplan förre år.

Är vandalism mot privat egendom våld? Javisst, det är ekonomisk våld mot människor. Även om du anser att egendom är orättvis, kan du inte förneka att förstöra saker skadar människor. Personligen anser jag att egendom är en social tankeskapelse, men vilket är ett nödvändigt begrepp till en stabil modern civilisation.

Är vandalismen mot reklamer civil olydnad? Nej, det är bara intolerant. Reklam är också en form av yttrandefrihet. Om du håller inte med, får du protestera, eller köpa ditt eget reklam.

Vid vilket (om något) tillfälle skulle du själv kunna tänkas delta i en dylik aktion?

Mot officiella diskriminering mot invandrare, mot länkar mellan staten och kyrka, mot protektionism.

Har du själv varit civilt olydig?

Nej, bara kriminell. Det är svårt att vara civilt olydig.

Top ten things I hate about Stockholm, IV

The fourth in an occasional series.
 
Ten: Predatory seating
Nine: Culinary relativism
Eight: Preëmptive planning
Seven: Premature mastication.

For some time, it has been apparent to me that the media here are pushing brunch as the new cool thing for Stockholmers to do on weekends. Newspapers, city guides, television and radio have all decided that if it’s good enough for the Sex and the City cast, this should be the next big cultural import from New York. But there is an element of willful obliviousness involved: Swedes invented brunch generations ago, and in fact brunch every weekday, when they take an hour off from work for food. At 11.30 am.

Stockholmers might think they are eating lunch then, but they’d be wrong. Food consumed at 11.30 am can be wonderful, but it is not lunch. Lunch is what the Italians have at 1.30 pm. It’s what the Spanish have between 2 and 5 pm. That said, the Swedish weekday brunch is a lovely ritual — all the restaurants cater to it, friends meet in the old town to catch up and swap gossip, mamma-ledig (“mommy-free”) mothers on their year-long leave from work cart their offspring in SUV-sized buggies to meet admiring pals, and officemates can flirt without really calling it a date. In fact, Swedish brunch fulfills all the same social functions as the New York version, with the added benefit that you get to do it during office hours.

So, to clarify, I don’t hate the brunching tradition as such, but I do bemoan its misclassification as lunch, and one additional opportunity cost: The resultant temporal shift of all mealtimes. Swedes are constantly hungry ahead of the rest of Europe — their eating habits are, in fact, synchronized with those of Iraqis. Walk home from work shortly after 5 pm and you will see Stockholmers sitting at restaurant tables, ordering. The tail end of a three-martini lunch, perhaps? No, the start of middag, which they believe is dinner.

Clearly, dinner is not served at 5 pm. This is obvious to all foreigners. For example, Ayse and Cemo, who are visiting from Istanbul on a baby-goods shopping spree this weekend, were asked by Joachim, a Swede, what time they’d like to meet for dinner tonight. They said 8:30 pm. Joachim nearly gargled his café latte. He had 6 pm in mind. Because it was Saturday.

Stockholmers, stop being so defensive about your bizarre eating habits; stop trying to shoehorn your meals into accepted global norms, and celebrate your otherness! I suggest trying to export the 5 pm meal to New York as something sophisticated and maybe even a touch decadent, as in “look how early I can get off work.” New York restaurants would take to it in an instant: they could always use an extra sitting. If Carrie and the girls had another season on HBO, they’d definitely be meeting for lunner, or maybe they’d call it dinch.

Public service announcement

This week it was the annual joke show on NPR’s A Prairie Home Companion, that liberal gem of a radio show hosted by Garrison Keillor. Bush got plenty of come-uppance (What were the best three years of George Bush’s life? Grade 5), but Keillor is generous with his humor, and flawless in his delivery, so you should really listen to the whole show rather than just read the list of the best jokes he collected for the year.

Practically nobody emerged unscathed: not Kerry (John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”), not Martha Stewart, not Episcopalians (Why can’t Episcopalians play chess? They can’t tell the difference between a bishop and a queen), not Unitarians (How do you get a Unitarian family to leave town? You burn a question mark on their front lawn) not Michael Jackson, not Janet Jackson, not even Ronald Reagan (President Reagan didn’t vote in the California election because recall’s not his thing any more), not Helen Keller, not the Amish and not the blind (How does the blind parachutist know when he’s getting close to the ground? The leash goes slack).

And certainly not the Swedes, for which Keillor has a soft spot:

PP: A Swedish guy likes to go to bed with two women, so when he falls asleep they can talk to each other. He is so repressed, he blushes if someone says “Intersection”. Sometimes he’ll get drunk and go downtown and spend the night in a warehouse.
 
GK: A warehouse?
 
PP: They’re bad spellers, too. [Script]

Well, okay, it was funny when he said it. You can complain here.

Försenad fyran

The Swedish alcohol monopoly system is once again the topic of debate, this time precipitated by the news that hard liquor is being sold in Germany in bag-in-a-boxes (like they do with cheap wine). Should these be allowed to be sold in Sweden, as they would defeat the policy of making alcohol too expensive to get drunk on? Of course, EU trade rules should make that question moot.
 
Frågor kommer från här.
1. Bör Systembolaget finnas kvar?

Javisst bör det. Att dricka för mycket alkohol inte är hälsosamt. Röker för mycket inte ännu är hälsosamt, så därför tycker jag att vi bör också har ett systembolag för tobak och snuss, som är öppet bara måndags tills fredags, 9-17. Inga cigaretter bör säljas på helger! Att äta för mycket också är jätte daligt för hälsan, men mat är nu så billig och det köps så mycket, och vi har så många feta människor på gator, att jag skulle gärna se ett systembolag för mataffärer och naturligtviss högre skatt på mat. Vi bör fasta på helgen.

Vad jag tycker helt inte om är att det fortfarande finns platsar var man kan äta, röka och dricka samtidigt på helger: Restauranger! Vi bör stänga dem i helger, annars skulle rika människor fortsätta att göra saker som fattige människor har inte råd med.

CBR988.gif2. Leder vin- och spritboxar till ökat supande?

Ja. Liten, men det leder framförallt till sämre bakrus. Bättre att ha mindre skatt på sprit så att vi kan ha råd med bättre alkohol och alltså inte är tvungen att vara sjukskriven nästa dag.

3. Vilka konsekvenser (om några) tror du det skulle bli om Systembolaget avskaffades?

Jag tror inte att Svenskar skulle dricka mycket mer, utan bättre alkohol. Men dem bör dricka mer. Just nu dricker dem mycket mindre än EUs genomsnitt.

4. Nämn en riktigt schysst drink?

Hembryggt palinka av Adriana’s bror.

When gridlock is good

It now seems likely that Sweden will be the only EU member not to have immigration controls [Swedish] in place when 10 new members join the union May 1Yes, May 1, day of international labor solidarity, when workers of the world, er, unite.. This excellent outcome is not due to enlightened government action, however: the Social Democrats and Folkpartiet did not want to budge on their respective versions of restrictions, while the remaining parties were against either proposal. No proposal has a parliamentary majority, so nothing happens.

Prime Minister Persson says he will consider tabling other measures later this summer or fall. Of course, by then, we will see two things happening: 1) There will be no “social tourists” (though the few that do make it will be amply covered by the press); 2) Those immigrants that do come will be a wave of the most-motivated and hardest-working Eastern Europeans there are, and Sweden will have them all to itself. It is a brilliant policy, and nobody can even take credit for it.

Stockholm: Random observations

Today was the first perfect spring day, as bright as a day can get, and Stockholmers walked about their city as if they had just been released from a dark room, squinting, and a little dazed. Tourists were easy to spot — they were the ones dressed rationally, whereas the locals were shedding layers like eskimos in a sauna. And not a leaf on the trees yet, though that should change within hours.

make23.gifWaiting for a train at Stockholm Södra Friday night, I started staring at the platform pavement. Penrose tiles! These were invented (or discovered, depending on your take on mathematics) by Roger Penrose: He figured out how to cover a surface with only two different kinds of tiles in a way that never repeats. It sounds impossible, but it’s not. Penrose used two kinds of rhombi, and then added some specific instructions as to how they are supposed to be placed next to each other. The result is a complex mathematical structure made from simple rules, putting it in the same seductive league as the Mandelbrot set and Wolfram’s Rule 30.

In Södra, the rhombi are disguised, but cleverly so: By curving the edges in specific ways, Penrose’s rules are embodied in the shapes: It was impossible for the workmen building the platform to accidentally create a repeating pattern (unless they were to use only one shape exclusively, I think, but I am not sure about that, and need to go have another look).

I started to wonder whether for each separate segment of pavement covered in tiles, the ratio of the frequency of the two shapes was similar. Luckily, the train arrived. Just now, I found out that for large enough areas, this ratio converges on the golden mean. That is deep in ways I have not yet begun to fathom.

I love public architecture that strives for obscure details that hide underfoot, literally. Next time, I will take my camera, take a picture, and post it here.

Nuclear known unknowns

Some things I learned this week: Almost half of Sweden’s electricity is produced by its 11 nuclear power plants. Polls show Swedes to be quite positive towards nuclear power, and they have been ever since a 1980 referendum that placed a moratorium on building new plants. Despite Three Mile Island and Chernobyl, decommissioning well-maintained Swedish plants before the end their operating life has been broadly opposed on environmental grounds, because the required energy would then have to be produced either by burning more fossil fuels or by damming more rivers.

Earlier this week, Folkpartiet became the first serious political party to propose overturning the 1980 referendum [Swedish], and to allow the building of new reactors, should demand warrant it. The grounds are two-fold:

1: If nuclear energy is safe, then why not increase its use to reduce greenhouse gas emissions even furtherSweden’s carbon dioxide emmissions in 2000 are some 40% below 1970 levels because of the use of nuclear power.?

2: (And this is clever) Jan Björklund, vice chair (or something) of FP, maintains that since the referendum was held in 1980, everybody aged 42 and under today — more than half of the Swedish population — was not able to vote in it, and so perhaps its mandate has expiredNote to self: Use this argument next time Kim mentions the Second Amendment..

The second reason strikes me as rather silly: At best, it might argue for a new referendum, but it does not constitute a moral argument for the wholesale abandonment of the policies chosen by the last referendum.

What about the first reason? If nuclear energy is as safe as in 1980 then this in itself is not a reason to overturn the moratorium. But if it is now safer…

Last month, surely by coincidence, Swedish research commissioned by the Swedish Nuclear Fuel and Waste Management Company (SKB) led to two important pieces of news regarding the long-term safety of nuclear waste, though neither item was paid much attention to in the mainstream press (though perhaps FP did).

The first piece of news illustrates nicely the Rumsfeldian epistemological universe“As we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”: We used to think we knew all about the properties of plutonium oxide, one of the most important radioactive compounds in nuclear waste, although this “knowledge” was unfounded: in Rumsfeldian parlance, it was an unknown unknown &mdash we didn’t know we didn’t know. Four years ago, it was discovered that PuO2 could oxidize in the presence of water to form what appeared to be a stable compound with unknown properties: We now had a known unknown on our hands — we knew that risk assessments for nuclear waste storage were, well, at risk.

Finally, last month, research by the Royal Institute of Technology (KTH) showed that the oxidized compound is not that stable after all, and not as easy to create as originally thought. The original risk assessments have been confirmed, except that now, arguably, we have a known known, which is a better place to be than not knowing we didn’t know this 5 years ago.

Second, KTH is piloting a study on some emerging technologies that may make it possible to greatly reduce the length of time waste stays radioactive, while at the same time generating energy from the process. It sounds very clever.

On the whole, I think it is reasonable to argue, nuclear technology has become safer over the last two decades. Against this, however, we now need to place a new risk: mass terrorism. It would have lacked symbolism, but had the planes hijacked on 9/11 aimed for nuclear power plants instead of buildings, we might have had four Chernobyl-sized no-go zones on the east coast of the US todayA post-9/11 report commissioned by the US nuclear energy lobby says otherwise, but read between the lines: Several paragraphs explain why crashes were modelled with 767s, not the larger 747s: Because there are far more 767s around, apparently. Note to terrorists: Use 747s. As a general rule, too, I would discount any report that has the following line in it: “Clearly an impact of this magnitude would do great damage to a plant’s ability to generate electricity.”.

The main pragmatic lesson I learned from 9/11 is that the future will become more decentralized, not less. Laying all your eggs in one basket creates high value targets, and nuclear power plants are nothing if not that. You could also bomb a dam, of course, but even that is a brief and repairable tragedy. Nuclear power plants are basically “dirty” bombs without detonators. Terrorists are detonators in search of bombs. Nuclear power, unfortunately, does not have a future in this kind of world.