{"id":400,"date":"2004-08-30T22:14:52","date_gmt":"2004-08-31T05:14:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stefangeens.com\/?p=400"},"modified":"2004-08-30T22:14:52","modified_gmt":"2004-08-31T05:14:52","slug":"top-ten-things-i-hate-about-stockholm-viii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/2004\/08\/top-ten-things-i-hate-about-stockholm-viii\/","title":{"rendered":"Top ten things I hate about Stockholm, VIII"},"content":{"rendered":"

The eighth in an occasional series.
 
Ten: Predatory seating<\/a>
Nine: Culinary relativism<\/a>
Eight: Pre\u00ebmptive planning<\/a>
Seven: Premature mastication<\/a>
Six: Irrational discalceation<\/a>
Five: Radiotj\u00e4nst i Kiruna AB<\/a>
Four: Temporal engineering<\/a>
<\/span>Three: Tunnelbana vision<\/span><\/p>\n

In New York, on the subway during rush hour, the locals have adopted highly evolved rules of behavior aimed at maximizing the efficiency of the transfer of passengers out of and then into the carriages at subway stops, with a view to getting the train rolling again ASAP. The process is one of constant sorting — between stops, new passengers and those not about to get off slowly trade places with those who are almost at their destination. Then, when the doors open, passengers about to get on the train leave a wide berth for those streaming off. They don’t get on until everybody who wants to get off does so.<\/p>\n

The efficacy of these rules is self-evident. How they came about spontaneously is puzzling only until you’ve literally stood between a New Yorker and her way home in the evening. The elbow in your groin was not just a rude push aside; it was a public service announcement, whose content was: “During rush hour, getting out of each other’s way is not just a courtesy, it is the fastest way to your destination. Jerk.” It’s called militant utility maximization, and it is what makes New York so special.<\/p>\n

In fact, this week I shall miss riding the New York subway, because those who do will be able to savor watching clumps of scared-looking Republicans from Topeka or Tampa as they learn this very lesson.<\/p>\n

On the Stockholm tunnelbana, meanwhile, rush hour is still a Hobbesian state of nature. Getting on and getting off is attempted simultaneously. Some people who get on first will take one step past the door and plant themselves there, which is so convenient for them, so not<\/em> for everyone else. In fact, there was one guy I saw on my ride home tonight (and if you guessed that he prompted this little tirade then you guessed right) whose thought process must have gone something like this:<\/p>\n

It’s rush hour and I am standing right in front of the door through which I will eventually leave this train. That is quite clever of me. Oh look, we’ve arrived at a station that is not my destination and now my door opens. I shall just stand here, then. It seems that the young mother with the baby stroller behind me would like to get off, and the old lady with the walking aid would like to get on. I wonder how they are going to do this with me here. This could be quite difficult for them. Of course, I would never consider actually stepping out of the carriage for a moment, because this is not my destination — why would I get off the train if this is not where I get off<\/em> the train?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Had I been the mother, that moron’s ankles would have been a lot bluer, but then I’m not quite up on the ethics of using baby strollers as weapons when there are babies in them. I myself practice the New York school of (dis)embarkment: A polite “urs\u00e4kta” (excuse me), a count to one-and-a-half, and then the full-on barge, taking assorted stragglers with me. And all so that they<\/em> can get home faster tonight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The eighth in an occasional series. Ten: Predatory seatingNine: Culinary relativismEight: Pre\u00ebmptive planningSeven: Premature masticationSix: Irrational discalceationFive: Radiotj\u00e4nst i Kiruna ABFour: Temporal engineeringThree: Tunnelbana vision In New York, on the subway during rush hour, the locals have adopted highly evolved rules … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","category-sweden"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7eNhC-6s","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/400","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=400"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/400\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stefangeens.com\/2001-2013\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}